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Dads, Discipline and Team Sports
Am I alone or have you also struggled with balancing your roles as disciplinarian, parent and friend to your children? Sometimes when my kids misbehave, I’m too easy with the punishment. At other times my frustration gets the best of me and I react too harshly. Unfortunately, neither of these methods encourages my children to succeed and do better the next time. My hope and desire is that I would be an encouraging and consistent guide that would help my child understand and learn from their mistakes.
Since we are in the midst of the NBA playoffs (go Nuggets!), below are some thoughts on discipline and team sports from one of the quiet giants of fatherwork, Mark Perlman. Mark is the creator of The Nurturing Fathers Program, a fatherhood curriculum used nationwide to help men be the kind of dads their kids need them to be. He believes, and I agree, that a great way for dads to consider discipline is to compare it to sports, where working together as a team and abiding by the rules is essential to achieving success.
If a father considers discipline through the perspective of the goals, rules, teamwork and consequences of bad play central to all team sports, they have an easy to remember framework to inspire their children to succeed.
The Goals
In every sport, it is essential to make sure you have the proper equipment, the right skills and good training in order to win the game. For fathers, this includes setting up the playing field in a way that helps both the children and family succeed. If fathers can explain to their children the “game” and how to be successful in it, their children will know what they need to do. For a family, the goals should be to work together, to be safe and happy, to learn and grow and to help each member get their needs met without denying others.
The Rules
The rules set by fathers, similar to those in any sport, are meant to encourage good, clean and fair behavior just as much as they are intended to punish the bad. For instance in team sports, rules encourage playing within the lines and discourage stepping outside of them. These rules also encourage playing in a respectful manner and discourage harming opposing players. In life, without these rules, or if the rules are not explained clearly, you cannot expect children to learn to play the game.
Teamwork
What do team players do every time one player makes a foul shot, a good pass or scores a goal? They give them a pat on the back, a high five or a compliment – every time! Therefore, there must be some special value in parental encouragement. As a father, the deeds and acts you pay attention to are more likely to be repeated by your children. Praise these good behaviors and reward teamwork.
Discourage Misbehavior
Before a game starts, every player knows the exact consequences that will result should they commit a penalty. This way, the severity of the punishment is not dictated by the anger of the ref nor does it differ from game to game. Fathers also need to establish clear consequences for when their children break the rules. If these consequences can be logically related to the transgression, then the child will learn more from them.
This is just a start. What other analogies can you make between discipline and team sports? Of course there is much about parenting that doesn’t fit neatly into this paradigm, but if my experience working with parents, and especially dads, rings true, I’m confident you’ll find this approach helpful in your own personal growth as a dad.
Originally posted at www.coloradodads.com
Since we are in the midst of the NBA playoffs (go Nuggets!), below are some thoughts on discipline and team sports from one of the quiet giants of fatherwork, Mark Perlman. Mark is the creator of The Nurturing Fathers Program, a fatherhood curriculum used nationwide to help men be the kind of dads their kids need them to be. He believes, and I agree, that a great way for dads to consider discipline is to compare it to sports, where working together as a team and abiding by the rules is essential to achieving success.
If a father considers discipline through the perspective of the goals, rules, teamwork and consequences of bad play central to all team sports, they have an easy to remember framework to inspire their children to succeed.
The Goals
In every sport, it is essential to make sure you have the proper equipment, the right skills and good training in order to win the game. For fathers, this includes setting up the playing field in a way that helps both the children and family succeed. If fathers can explain to their children the “game” and how to be successful in it, their children will know what they need to do. For a family, the goals should be to work together, to be safe and happy, to learn and grow and to help each member get their needs met without denying others.
The Rules
The rules set by fathers, similar to those in any sport, are meant to encourage good, clean and fair behavior just as much as they are intended to punish the bad. For instance in team sports, rules encourage playing within the lines and discourage stepping outside of them. These rules also encourage playing in a respectful manner and discourage harming opposing players. In life, without these rules, or if the rules are not explained clearly, you cannot expect children to learn to play the game.
Teamwork
What do team players do every time one player makes a foul shot, a good pass or scores a goal? They give them a pat on the back, a high five or a compliment – every time! Therefore, there must be some special value in parental encouragement. As a father, the deeds and acts you pay attention to are more likely to be repeated by your children. Praise these good behaviors and reward teamwork.
Discourage Misbehavior
Before a game starts, every player knows the exact consequences that will result should they commit a penalty. This way, the severity of the punishment is not dictated by the anger of the ref nor does it differ from game to game. Fathers also need to establish clear consequences for when their children break the rules. If these consequences can be logically related to the transgression, then the child will learn more from them.
This is just a start. What other analogies can you make between discipline and team sports? Of course there is much about parenting that doesn’t fit neatly into this paradigm, but if my experience working with parents, and especially dads, rings true, I’m confident you’ll find this approach helpful in your own personal growth as a dad.
Originally posted at www.coloradodads.com
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